Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
