I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
