My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
