Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
