how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
