Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
