It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
