I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
time to smoke my breakfast
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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