I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
