I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
