I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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