We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have feelings that need drinking.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
