The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
