i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
