Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
