I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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