Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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she's into porn, im staying here tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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