Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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