found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
