chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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