i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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