Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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