my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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