I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
