Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
