I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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