Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
