Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.