I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him