i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My Sexting was not on an AP level