Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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