the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
