My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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