i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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