Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
