So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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