WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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