I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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