i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
