Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
