She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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