How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
