Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
