A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
