so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
