i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
