My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
