best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
