My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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