I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
