Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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