I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
