she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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