He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im holly from the hills drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
