Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
