I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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