Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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