So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my shit smells like andre
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
