I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
