This girl is more easily done than said...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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