I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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