we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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