dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
