My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my being single is dangerous.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
