Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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