Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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