I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
