Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
