How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize