hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
