im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
is it fun? or sober?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
