It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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