I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
