smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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