My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i would punch a child for taco bell
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
